Fatimas life 2.5

Salaam alaikum,

Today is the chohti. Which traditionally is supposed to be the day after the wedding. The groom along with immediate family comes to pick the bride up from her home (She left in the afternoon, to come to her parents place).

It's a tradition that the bride return home, the next day. It's totally illogical, in fact I personally find it very embarrassing. For a bride it's the day after she's actually had a 360 degree spin with life. Plus everyone knows now she's entered a whole different phase of life etc. To go and show your face to the whole world and announce it all, it's just embarrassing. I hope you are reading between the lines.

So anyway, this chohti dinner is supposed to be for those who pick her up, because out of manners how can you leave the grooms family to come home and not serve them food etc. basically for hospitality purposes.

But what has it become now? It's a whole dinner party all together. close extended family is also called, and the whole scene becomes a big deal. Forget about who's coming to pick the girl up, here people are invited!. It's totally blown out of proportion. Do we really have so much time to spare? then why not listen to a good lecture?, why not do research on a particular topic you've been confused about?, why not spend quality time with your family?, why not pray some sunnah prayers?. Nah! we don't need them, attending and hosting such parties is more important. It's not like if these things were avoided, you're showing no love to your family. As it is we have enough eids to meet up, and celebrate. Why add more?.

Notice: I can't help but bring a crucial observation to notice here. The women, AND men, who participate in these functions, and attend or host them, take allot of time and effort to getting ready. Yet, when it's eid, they're dressed like they couldn't care less. All the non-hijabi clothes are booked for weddings, and all the glossy makeup, and matching ties, and shoes are saved up for these petty functions. And when it's eid, they think twice to get something new, or take that much effort to get ready. Why? I won't answer that. Be truthful to yourself and ask your self.
Have worldly parties become our scale to measure where to make an extra effort?

Getting back, nothing exciting happens today, it's just the dinner and garland wearing ceremony. Mind you constant judging of the groom and brides clothes is going on, there are fashion police aunties at the party. They make a special effort in potentially having a girl wed, or screwing up her life. They judge the attenders of the party via their clothes. And then ruin their names behind their backs. If you're wearing sleeveless, you're gone, never to get married, because wearing half or even mega sleeves is great!. But NO sleeveless. Why? aren't they both haraam to be worn in front of na-mahrams?. This makes living in the society difficult. These, man made standards, which are different to each, these make or break your reputation. Why follow them? Don't we have Allah to follow? Don't we have His book?, His rules?, His granted freewill?. Or are you just choosing to ignore it?.

Fire crackers are a norm in these weddings, why not waste more money? cause pollution, and be smart. Won't get into detail about this. This particular topic, of wedding bands, and fire crackers is an open book. Just remember when you don't like something, stick to your opinion, and never support it no matter what.

Again just like any other function, hijab boundaries are broken, unnecessary convos take place, money's wasted, musics is played, enjoyment of every sort that is haraam is encourages (knowingly or unknowingly). And NOTHING productive happens.

Seriously, I think we should make it a point, to decide on making each day productive, not materialistically, but islamically. Something good should come out of our everyday activities. That way we'd gain clarity of what's useless to us and whats not. We are answerable to our time aren't we?

Hope there is something in this part that makes you think about your truthfulness to your creator and your responsibility towards Him.

This is Fatima signing off for the day. Last edition of the wedding series next, Walima!

take care

Fatima