Fatimas life 2.4‏

Salaam alaikum,

yes it's finally the BIG day. And trust me I was more excited to know what would happen just so I could share my experience with all of you!

Lets get going now shall we.....

So I'm here, surrounded by ladies with saris of various fabrics, chiffon, georgette, lace, net, yes ! I said it net!!, and the younger girls, (who strangely, aren't allowed to wear saris before their marriage), are all beautifully clad in shararas, and chudidaars, and peshwaas' etc. It was a whole glamorous scene.

And while I'm staring at this beauty I hear the loud salawaat, the bride has arrived! all the close sisters rush to the bride to welcome her in, everyones eyes are set on the aisle, to at a glance make 10thousand judgments, and also admire her. Beautiful in her red khada dupatta, she walks slowly as her video is being taken and flashes of cameras hit her face blinding her.

Hmm, reminds me of mine...anyway, she's then seated on the stage. Everything is great, everything is smooth, till.......some random brother from the grooms side walks in (thank god I'm in hijab), but what about the others?. No one cares, no one even notices this testosterone!. No wonder a sweet sister had warned me about this, the segregation of men and women is almost name sake.

So anyway, it wasn't just him, some other men also came in every now and then for god knows what reason. And all the ladies are enjoying themselves laughing out loud, in front of the camera guy, the brides make up is getting touches before her photo shoot starts. Wherein the camera guy gives her rather weird poses to make. Why would any one want to take orders from a random man?, to stand a certain way, to keep your leg in a certain angle, to move your hand, to put your ghoongat away from the face, etc. WHY?

I don't think I can ever get answers to these questions. I don't think I even want to. The camera guy's taking endless pictures, till his want, god knows what thoughts are running in his head reagrding this young, rather stupid girl. How do the fathers & mothers of the bride allow this?

Anyway, I've repeated the camera scene enough times for you to understand, it's dinner time. Dinner went smooth too, male waiters serving women, women bending forward to pick things up from the floor, or yelling and ordering for things, calling the waiters etc. Sari pallus slipping off, deep necked blouse....Wow how Islamic!.

After the dinner, allot of the extended family leaves. And only the close family stays back for the last few things like; family photographs, etc. Including some other quran reading, and viewing each other in the mirror thing, whose significance I'm not too sure of.

Lookie! namahrams coming, passing comments, joking around, teasing other sisters, the whole photograph session is a 1hr or so deal. And poor bride, having her feet sore, so tired ready since forever, is silently bearing through everything. She complaints to her sister, but the mom says she can't do anything she's some other familys now. So? Humanity gone? some brides I've known have even fainted in this long endless process.
some have had insane cramps, some have become weak ,and not eaten properly because of nervousness. Not to mention the emotional stress that's involved on such a day.

Immediate family is stressed too, with all the work, but also a little relieved that the day has come, the day for which they had been saving from her birth, just so they could live up to the expectations of the society, and give 3 varieties of chicken instead of 2, and so and so kg of gold, and 20 sets of clothing, the list goes on.....And it's sad to think. No wonder in the end of the day they don't have money or energy enough to save for her education, or even think about her career, or her emotional health while growing up.

Some families I've noticed, in fact most of them speak of marriage so much to their girls that they make them believe that getting hitched is the aim of their lives. Nothing else. When these girls have a bad ending, like a divorce, or death of a partner, or simply have a hard life. They end up feeling useless, and have suicidal thoughts. Why won't they? Some of these women don't even pursue their education, because their life plan is wedding (100% accepted by the society). I pose questions at this point. Where is this family, when she's in a situation of divorce?, who is searching or volunteering for marrying her?. Who is not making her feel like a burden. And if that poor lady has a kid! then her life is finished. No one will accept that baby, even though it's a halal one. Why? This is something beyond serious. It's is difficult to think differently for the girl, when all her life she's fed with weird ideologies, instead of the Islamic one.

somewhere down the line, we've all judged marriages that don't work. But have we helped a divorcee get married? have we helped her support her kid? have we counseled her? have we given double standards to male divorcee? have we volunteered to search for the prettiest girl for him? have we spoiled and disowned the woman who got divorced?. Many questions, many realizations, many emotions. Face them, and you'll grow as a Muslim, as a human being.

getting back!, she's gone, well gone, all have cried, soon this day would be a thought in her head to ponder over in between busy schedules, and kids....soon allot will change....soon....


Take care everyone......
walima coming up!

Fatima

____________________
Written by Syeda