Fatimas life 2.2

Salaam alaikum,

So it's come down to day 2!

Saanchak....Traditionally saanchak is, from what I've understood; the day where gifts are exchanged from both sides (bride and groom). By gifts i mean the ones that society has made subtly obligatory on everyone. Endless clothes, shoes, jewelery, bags, bangles, furniture etc. followed by having the girl wear nath (A huge nose ring traditionally Indian) and jewelery, this is done by the mother of the groom.

The sad thing about this (other than money wastage) is,
1.most of these things are not even used, especially when the couple is going to settle outside their home country.
2. the couple usually grow out of size to fit into the clothes.
3. clothes go out of style! and shopping becomes a guilt with so much already there!
4. the most important i find, is that if it was a girl who didn't observe hijab when married, plans to start, it's very difficult for her to wear these. And these clothes are mostly expensive wedding wear only. And the pressure from family forcing her to wear them is even more.

pointer:This is something ANY girl who wants to start hijab faces. You have to have a major wardrobe change.

Ironically, as much as society pressures & expects both families to give more and spend more, they are also the first to criticize these things. Why? Because it's all worldly, no one is ever satisfied with anything worldly. And arrogance takes over the best of human beings isn't it?! Haven't we all come across such aunties ;)

This gift exchanging and jahez (dowry) scene, is very painful on allot of families.They don't realize that it's all made up!. If really want to get your daughter something fro her safety etc, ask for mahr! what did prophet Muhammad (as) do in bibi Fatima (as) wedding?.
Not everyone can afford to be giving so much not just to their daughters but also to the son-in-law. All leading to acquirement of loans. Families get drowned in them to get through a wedding especially that of the girls. and if they have more than one daughter! they also get sugar and Blood pressure along with the tension of repayment. The whole concept of marriage being a happy things turns upside down. Girls start to feel like liabilities instead of the rehmat that they are for the family.

This not only affects the middle class or the upper class of the society. The poor are human to aren't they? Why can't they also be excited by the thought of an expensive wedding? and allot of spending and lavishness?!

Point to note: This leads to one of the most disliked things. taking loans, asking for money. 'cos lets face it, we CAN do a wedding without endless clothes being gifted!. They CAN sleep on the floor with just the mattress they don't need a whole bed set!. The groom CAN do without 5 suits!, and endless grooming products! etc.

We have sadly been so exposed to the worldly life and the worldly gains that; to think of living at bare minimum is next to impossible for us. Just take a moment and think, and I suggested this to a couple of my sisters here too, can we live without a certain perfume? or a certain dress? will it take our life away will it beautify our akhirat? Just think. I'm trying to draw the big picture. You can live a happy life without being greedy for the best. It's human nature to want more, it's the way we're build. But use it in the right way, want more? then want more knowledge. Want to get the best? get the best of friends, want to be looking the smartest? look the smartest with Islamic education.

Anyway, coming back to this beautiful night of saanchak.....All the pretty young girls are having their hair open, women have the best clothes, make-up etc on. Even though the men are in a separate hall, there are like before male photographers and video people. And once in a while some testosterone will walk into the hall. I know some of my cousins who would walk in with an excuse just to eye girls!. NO joking!!.

Anyway I take a seat after meeting everyone. I look around and at the young girls and think 'Why are these girls doing this to themselves?, do they not realize how pretty they are, to be showcasing themselves in front of na-mahrams who don't even value their beauty?!. How can they not know those curves they have are actually magical in nature? the long beautiful hair, coloured, streaked, jeweled!. The face all contoured the right way with bronzer, looking like they've walked right out of a pro fashion shoot!. Is it cos they DON'T realize of that, or 'cos they DO!. How will they ever be able to satisfy their husbands at home dressing up like this when they save it up for these occasions for other men?!. Will they make a deliberate effort to wear a sari, or makeup or jewelry for their husbands and children at home?....I look at them like how these women would look at almost naked actresses, they think the same, for me what they're doing is the same....and.....' I was interrupted by my aunt, informing me that dinner was served.

That brings me to another point, money wastage on feeding ones who are capable of eating the best food, in fact overfeeding themselves. Not considering or considering very less the many Muslims hungry all over the world. It makes me sad, and food is wasted....I'm not saying i have never left anything uneaten, but i try my best not to at least.

This particular part has had allot of thoughtfulness, I can't help but share my views as a person who's so new to all this. I stress everyone to try looking at the BIG picture the REAL one. The accountability to Allah, His justice and His importance over society's stupid rules, and invalid expectations.

Join me as we explore the very exciting mehendi in the next part! .....Trust me it's going to be a different kind of fun!......

take care....Have a nice day everyone, do let me know about what you think of my weird experiences and thoughts....Have a nice day...

KH
Fatima